2020 taught me many valuable lessons. These lessons prompted a list of questions I wanted to continually ask myself in 2021. One particular lesson encouraged all others to take root and that was to slow down. Okay, maybe slowing down was slightly (en)forced, but it helped me to realize how often I’m ruminating over the past and anxiously anticipating the future, while feeling overwhelmed and zoned out of the present. This awareness has inspired me to take a breather and do some internal inquiry before I speak or act on impulse or by persuasion.
I came up with a list of 21 questions to help me practice the pause, be mindful, and live authentically with intent. I’m using these questions to help me stimulate more personal growth this year by using an inquisitive approach. I hope you are inspired to create your own questionnaire!
1. Is this productive?
If my actions and thoughts aren’t producing constructive and rewarding results, then stop and redirect my focus and energy. Unproductive thoughts kill dreams. Unproductive actions destroy goals. Unproductive mindsets steal souls.
2. Does it or they nourish my soul?
Unhealthy and toxic situations, relationships, conversations, groups, gatherings…gotta go. Seek opportunities for connections that cultivate what I’m passionate about and dive in.
3. Who’s in control of me and my choices?
Me! I choose my thoughts. I choose my problems. I choose my happiness. I choose my suffering. I choose my perspective. I choose my gratitude. I choose my complaints. I choose my mood. I choose my choices. I do not choose the consequences. I reap what I sow.
4. Is that my inner voice or inner critic?
My inner critic is self-loathing, doubtful, and demeaning and doesn’t deserve the mic. My inner voice is my mentor. She speaks truth, wisdom, love, and encouragement. Listen and allow her to guide me.
5. Is this a genuine or superficial relationship?
Social media and our increasing social circles make it easy to have faux connections. I can connect loosely to everyone while connecting deeply to no one. Scrolling and commenting does not create meaningful relationships. Seek and engage in real and significant connections.
6. Are my boundaries in check?
Set appropriate limits. No is a complete sentence. No more guilty compliance. Ask for what I need. Evaluate one-sided relationships. Mind my own business. Recognize and deny control and manipulation. Support others without shouldering their problems or being responsible for them. Be responsible for me. Do not overextend and deplete myself for others at my own expense.
7. Got gratitude?
Complaining is a thoughtless, self-centered bad habit. It drains me and those in my presence. Practice being habitually grateful rather than a constant joy suck.
8. Am I reacting or responding?
Use my thinking brain and act on principle instead of reacting impulsively based on my feelings. When I react, they are in control. When I respond, I am.
9. Am I being/portraying my authentic self?
Live with integrity according to my own spirit, character, and personality. Remain truthful to me, to who I was created to be. Anything else is a lie. Be independent enough to believe in myself and my values and live in line with those beliefs and values.
10. Real or filtered?
Comparison kills confidence and contentment. We live in a filtered world tailored to a perfection that does not exist. We display only what we want others to see and we see only what others chose to reveal. Remember that.
11. WWJD?
Christ is my savior. The only reliable source of truth. Study Him, know Him, live through Him. Be accountable to Him. I’m making a radical decision to influence myself and have power over my beliefs through investigation, education, and understanding.
12. Am I respecting myself and others?
Honor my value and worth. Honor others value and worth. Every beating heart is worthy of respect.
13. Does this bring me peace and contentment?
To be and feel whole is to be free from constantly chasing the trappings of the world whether material or emotional. My life doesn’t need to be free of pain, struggle, and sorrow to be satisfying. All my wants do not need to be met to feel complete. The most important things in my life already exist under my roof. I can change my life without changing my life.
14. Is exposure to this healthy or unhealthy?
Is exposing myself to this content influencing me to be a more loving and compassionate person? Hate begets hate. Anger begets anger. Envy begets envy. Comparison begets comparison. Shame begets shame. It’s only beneficial if my life is enriched by it. Kindness begets kindness.
15. What are my values?
A few of my core values are honesty, respect, trust, kindness, accountability, integrity, faithfulness, and authenticity. Whatever I say, do, plan, strive for, work towards, or hope for – be certain it holds significance, is in alignment with my morals, and serves a justly cause.
16. Am I showing up for and serving the people that matter most to me?
Do not waste precious time and imprison my attention and energy on frivolous tasks that don’t impact and improve the lives of myself and those I care about. Heal to serve and serve to heal.
17. Do I need to forgive?
Forgive myself first to forgive others. Forgiveness does not excuse mistreatment, rather frees me from it. Forgiveness is letting go, moving on, and releasing myself from pain and suffering. Forgiveness releases me from being encaged by others and allows me to accept the grace of God. Forgiveness heals my heart through freedom.
18. Am I growing?
A continual atmosphere of growth brings a sense of internal gratification and fulfillment. Continually challenging myself, reinventing goals, learning new things, taking risks, moving forward through fear, and exploring new territory keeps me growing and enjoying the journey while continuously creating new destinations.
19. Am I loving myself well?
It’s an inside job and no one’s responsibility but my own. When I love myself, I love the person I’m always with and there is no getting away from me. To love others the way they deserve, I must first love myself in a healthy and humble way. It is when my heart is full of self-love that it can spill out onto others.
20. Am I taking responsibility for myself?
Take responsibility and ownership for my thoughts, words, actions, problems, and behaviors and the effects they have on my well-being and the well-being of those around me. No blaming or succumbing to victimhood.
21. What is my purpose?
No really, why am I on Earth? I was created for a purpose. I was born to deliver. I was given a mission to fulfill. I was meant to live a legacy and leave a legacy. Define it. Embrace it. Be it. Live it.
Jamie Berris
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